The Best Way to Help a Son Struggling with Alcohol Addiction
Are you here because you have a teenage son who’s started experimenting with alcohol? Or perhaps he is a grown adult, but you’re concerned that he’s caught in the dangerous cycle that is alcohol addiction. No matter his age, it can be hard to watch your boy struggle with something that can both hurt him and destroy his life.
No matter his age, how to help an alcoholic son isn’t always as simple as dragging him to rehab. He has to want to quit for himself, but that doesn’t mean that you’re completely powerless.
With this guide from South Shores Detox, you can navigate this trying time in your son’s life and help him build the habits and support system to kick the alcohol abuse habit for good.
Recognizing That Your Son Has a Drinking Problem
Denial is powerful. It doesn’t matter if it’s your son in denial about his drinking or the people around him. You may try to convince yourself that he’s just blowing off steam, or maybe he’s under a lot of stress. The problem is that brushing this off leaves time for the problem to get worse. The sooner that you recognize patterns of alcohol abuse, the sooner you can help your boy get treatment.
At first, it may just seem like his mood and behavior are shifting a little. Then, he starts to miss school, work, or family gatherings. It becomes hard to ignore once drinking starts affecting his health, relationships, and responsibilities. This is a clear sign to encourage your son to stop drinking. (We should note that the same general advice applies to an alcoholic daughter.)
You don’t need to count drinks to identify an alcoholic face and the symptoms of a drinking problem, you need to notice patterns. Is alcohol the first thing he reaches for after a bad day? Is he drinking in secret or getting defensive when you bring it up? These are all red flags that point to something deeper than just “having fun” or “blowing off steam.
Alcohol Use Disorder and Poly-Substance Abuse
There are also times when alcohol isn’t the only problem. Drinking might just be one piece of the puzzle. Your son might also be using other substances—pills, weed, or even harder drugs—to cope, escape, or just keep up with the lifestyle that drinking brings.
Becoming dependent on multiple substances leads to poly-substance use disorder, a condition even more complicated to treat.
When multiple substances are in the mix, the risk of overdose, severe withdrawal symptoms, and long-term health problems goes up. If you suspect your son is using more than just alcohol, it’s important to get him evaluated by professionals who can treat the full scope of the problem. You’ll find that type of comprehensive care at South Shores.
When Do I Need to Convince My Son to Get Help?
You don’t always need to wait for your child to hit “rock bottom” before you throw out a lifeline. If he’s blacking out, driving drunk, or getting into legal trouble, he’s in immediate danger. Even if he’s managed to avoid rock bottom for the time being, it could be right around the corner.
Think of convincing someone to get help as a marathon, not a sprint. Chances are, your son will resist, push back, or get angry the first time you confront him about drinking. The decision to seek treatment doesn’t usually happen in one big moment. Stay persistent, and with time, he will eventually start to hear you.
Keep planting seeds, offering words and quotes of support, and holding boundaries. Sometimes, a well-timed moment of clarity, or even a crisis, opens the door to real change.
Tips for Talking to Your Adult Child About Alcohol Abuse
It can be easy to put off talking to your son about alcohol use disorder, just because you aren’t looking forward to it. You might feel that he won’t listen anyway now that he’s your adult child or that he’ll walk out of your life for good. The reality is that you have to try.
Here are some tips that can help.
Keep Your Cool
Alcohol dependence is an emotionally-charged topic. You might be scared of how your adult child will react, or worried you won’t say the right thing. One of the best things you can do is rehearse what you want to say and then stay on topic when you talk to your son.
Remember that yelling, accusing, shaming, and dredging up the past is only going to shut the conversation down or invite more resistance. Speak calmly, even if your heart’s racing. If things start getting heated, take a break and come back to it later.
Remember the Goal
Don’t look at the conversation as some battle that needs to be won. You don’t need to prove a point or win the argument. Stay focused on the goal: to help your son see that something has to change. He’ll likely deflect or get defensive, but stay focused on the bigger picture. Even if you don’t convince him now, you’re helping introduce the idea of recovery.
Don’t Forget About “I Statements”
Using “I statements” can help your son feel less attacked when you start talking about the patterns you’re recognizing in his life. Instead of saying “You’re always drunk” or “You’re ruining your life,” try “I feel worried when you don’t come home” or “I’m scared something bad is going to happen.”
Talking from your own perspective makes it less likely that he’ll shut you out or get defensive.
Stay Supportive
As a parent, your adult child might feel you are trying to control their life when you bring up their drinking habits. Make it a point to tell him it’s not about control, it’s just that you care. You can tell him, “I’m here for you if you want to talk,” or “Whenever you’re ready to get help, I’ll be by your side.” First-time recovery can be scary, and knowing he’s not alone can go a long way.
Continue this support, even after he’s decided to enter treatment. Check in with your son, keeping conversations non-judgmental. Let him know that you’ll offer assistance in any way you can now that he’s decided to seek help.
During treatment, it’s sometimes helpful for family members to participate in the recovery process through family therapy. Participate if he says that it will help. Outside of being a part of therapy, you can help him with transportation to meetings or therapy for ongoing support. Remember that access to support services will play a big role in his recovery.
Know the Difference Between Enabling and Support
The line between helping and enabling can easily become blurred. If you are giving him money, even knowing what he’s using it for, or covering for him, you are enabling. As a general rule, if other family members would be upset by it, you shouldn’t do it.
Enabling can feel like love, but it’s a type of harm. You cannot stop your son from dealing with the negative consequences of his drinking forever. And, if you try to ignore the issue until he’s ready, something bad can happen. He might hurt himself (or someone else), have physical health problems, or even end up in jail.
People struggling with alcohol or drug use are rarely ready until something big happens, and when you enable, you keep him stuck. Instead, focus on offering real support. Be honest, set boundaries, and encourage him to change.
How to Support Your Child Through Recovery
No matter your son’s age, family members like yourself can play a big role in support after addiction treatment. From spending time together to encouraging self-care, you can do something about your son’s drinking problem.
Spending Time Doing Positive Activities
Boredom and isolation are triggers for a lot of people in recovery. Invite your son to do simple, positive things together.
Walking in nature or around the neighborhood, going to the movies, or working on a project can help rebuild your connection. It also shows your son that fun doesn’t have to revolve around alcohol.
Helping Him Seek Addiction Treatment Once He’s Ready
When he’s ready to get help, be prepared. If he’s still on your insurance plan, research treatment options that are local. Things like medical detox to manage alcohol withdrawal, inpatient rehab, and outpatient care are all options.
Offer to help with logistics, like setting up appointments, arranging transportation, or helping him figure out health insurance. Your calm guidance can help him take that first step without feeling overwhelmed.
Getting Him Mental Health Help
Alcohol or drug abuse often comes about because of an underlying issue. Maybe he’s gone through some type of trauma or is under a lot of stress lately. Or, perhaps there’s something in the past that he needs to address. In some families dealing with addiction, your son isn’t the only one struggling with alcohol misuse.
In therapy or counseling, a substance abuse specialist can help your son get to the root cause of the drinking. If he’s open to it, help him find a licensed therapist or treatment center like South Shores that understands both mental health and substance use. Call us today to discuss possible treatment options.
Encouraging Self-Care
Recovery isn’t just about not drinking, it’s about rebuilding a life worth staying sober for. Encourage your son to do what he loves, learning to enjoy life outside of time drinking. Exercise together, invite him over for a nutritious dinner, and encourage him to sleep well. These small steps help build momentum.
Setting Healthy Boundaries During Recovery
Boundaries are one of the most important—and hardest—parts of helping a child with an addiction. It’s natural to want to rescue your son when he’s in trouble. But if every time he drinks too much, he knows you’ll bail him out or send money, there’s no real reason for him to change. Boundaries aren’t about being harsh—they’re about protecting yourself and giving him the space to take responsibility for his actions.
For example, maybe your son calls you at 2 a.m. needing you to bail him out of jail because he’s in the drunk tank for public intoxication or starting a fight. Or he’s asking to “borrow” money again, promising this is the last time, swearing he just needs to get back on his feet.
These situations can put you in a terrible position. You don’t want to abandon him, but you also know deep down that it’s not helping.
This is where boundaries come in. You can say, “I love you, but I won’t be running to bail you out when you’ve been drinking,” or “I can’t give you money, but I’m happy to help you find treatment when you’re ready.” It might be met with anger or guilt-tripping at first. That’s normal.
But staying firm and calm sends the clear message that you’re not turning your back, you’re standing your ground because you care.
Setting boundaries also means protecting your own peace. You deserve to sleep through the night. You deserve not to feel anxious every time your phone rings. And your son deserves the chance to face the natural consequences of his behavior, because that’s what often pushes people toward real change.
Find Help for Your Loved One at South Shores Detox
Helping a child through alcohol use and addiction is one of the hardest things a parent can face, especially an alcoholic parent, but you don’t have to do it alone.
At South Shores Detox, we provide safe, compassionate care for individuals struggling with alcohol and substance use. From medically supervised detox to long-term recovery support, our team works with families to create personalized plans that lead to real, lasting change.
If your son is ready, or even just thinking about getting help, we’re here to walk beside both of you every step of the way. Call us confidentially today.